[Editor’s note: many people (3 or less) have wondered how McTavish came to be a concert violinist.  We asked him to explain … ]

Greetings! First off … I’m naturally gifted.  But you already know that.  You’ve seen many examples of my great skills in all sorts of things.  Like … erm … like … sarcasm?  Napping?  Eating?  Committing credit card fraud while doing all of the above? 

But you’re already drifting off topic.  So let’s go back to the very beginning.  I was born into an RCMP family: the Rat, Cat and Mouse Patrol.  The organization was totally useless, so it was disbanded.  Mom lost her job and fell into hopeless catnip addiction.  A familiar story.

How does this relate to music?  You see, I was adopted by a roving fiddle player.  Alas, there was little demand for roving fiddle players so he fell into a hopeless addiction to robbing gas stations.  He was arrested by the RCMP.  The real ones, with the red jackets and amusing hats and really big stupid pants.

I inherited the fiddler’s fiddle and took it with me when the cops gave me to the SPCA, where I spent my formative years amongst a colourful group of unwanted cats.  Sadly, we were forced to go out and get jobs.  Yuck. What a waste of time. Anyway …

My first position was shining shoes for the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra.  I absorbed lots of musical knowledge until they fired me for selling all their shoes on Ebay.  The unimaginative fools passed up the perfect chance to perform the highly under-rated Shoebert’s Shoeless Symphony.

The SPCA then sent me to Marvin’s Mainly Music, where I got to polish the violins and cellos and trumpets.  And tubas.  Perfect for curling up inside for a little nap.  Until some foolish composer named Andy Webber picked it up and gave it a loud toot, thereby propelling me across the store and into a base fiddle, where I got tangled in the strings.  The subsequent dislodgement sproinged me right across the room.  And straight through a grand piano worth a few hundred grand.  (Hey!  Is that why it’s called a grand piano?)  Marvin didn’t see the funny side …

So I should mention … since it’s the whole reason for this blog … that I practiced on the violin every day before Marvin unfairly fired me.  I’d worked my way up to being … not very good.  But I ‘borrowed’ a violin and kept practicing.

After the SPCA failed to flush me down the toilet for the third time, they made me busk on a corner near Newkirk College.  Some guy with a big nose and stupid kilt was playing the bagpipes on my corner so I beat him up.  Or tried to.  He was more vicious than he looked.  Anyway, the street is where I got really good.  At playing the violin and cadging donuts to survive.

After the Newkirk cops sent me back to the SPCA, they sighed and said: “Oh, McTavish.  What shall we do with you?  You have no skills and no aptitude for anything but lying around.  Which … hey!  That makes you the perfect library cat.  There’s an opening at Newkirk College!  They have a new librarian.  You guys have a lot in common.  He likes music, too.  Plays the bagpipes.”

Oh, crap.  Well.  Yeah.  You guessed it.  My first “official” meeting with Robin resulted in another short rumble.  But we came to terms, since he realized that he had to keep me based on centuries-old Arcane Library Cat Legislation.  I even got to move into his townhouse!  Win win except for Robin.

So, none of this really explains how I got to play for the Seattle Symphony Orchestra.  Let’s just say that I practiced a lot and … they’re not too bright.  Plus they were desperately needy for a seventh violinist NOW.  And you’ll never guess what they were performing …