Clan Munro: McTavish Blog No. 4: Murder by Matilda! With pictures!

I am back, people!  It’s been a long time since my last blog because I’ve been drawing my little paws off.  All for nothing, as it turns out …

I begin by presenting a totally unbiased review of that rat Matilda’s first novel: “Death Walks into a Bar.”  I almost liked the book on first reading.  At least the parts where I could stay awake.  But one major thing was missing — pictures!  And who is better at drawing than me?  So I approached Matilda with the idea that I turn her book into a graphic novel.  I even produced some panels on spec to strut my stuff, with lovely artwork and much-improved dialogue.  But don’t just take my word for it.  Check out this beauty:

Blog 04 panel 1Well … Matilda poo-pooed both my pictures and dialogue using vulgar terms like “crap” and “total shite” that I will not repeat here.  But I could if I wanted to.

Thus I had no choice but to re-evaluate her novel and admit that I had made a mistake.  With my eyes opened to the truth I realized that her book was crap and total shite.  What was I thinking?

So I guess it’s a mystery novel.  Or maybe a fantasy.  It certainly qualifies as horror.  Starting with the writing style.  I hereby proclaim Matilda to be the Queen of Sentence Fragments.  She can’t write.  A complete sentence.  To save.  Her life.

Let’s try to make sense of the plot.  We’re on the sleazy Vancouver waterfront in 1952.  An ex-cop named Eric buys a tavern and runs a detective agency out of the top floor.  Are we talking original or what?   Eric hires wannabe sleuth and geek girl Penny Pendry and her Irish Wolfhound sidekick Percy!  A dog!  Let the drooling commence!

Penny agrees to learn the detective business while slinging beer in the pub part-time.  Her first gumshoe gig is a steward on a Trans-Pacific liner who disappeared overboard.  The cops ruled it a suicide but his wife is sure it’s murder and wants our heroes to investigate.  Did I mention something about originality?

So after a lot of chasing around dark alleyways and sneaking into scary abandoned hotels, Penny and Eric discover that … wait for it … the liner’s captain and his evil mad scientist university professor parapsychologist brother are behind oodles of disappearances.  Our heroes get tangled up in séances, ghosts and sentence fragments.  And then it gets even more improbable, as you can see in my interpretation of a “climactic” scene:

Blog 04 panel 2

If I’m making it sound exciting, well, don’t get your hopes up.  And there’s even more bad news.  The same chumps are actually publishing a second Matilda novel.  I accidentally sneakily logged on to her computer and chanced to discover that it’s called “You Only Die Once — If You do it Right.”  Soon coming to the bargain bin of a bookstore near YOU.

Clan Munro comic strip no. 29: Duff the Incredible!



We’ll stick with Clan Munro this week and finish off Duff’s first encounter with the ballet girls. The grown-up girls (spoiler alert!) will be back to plague Duff in his very near future.

See the entire run of Clan Munro strips on this page.

Clan Munro comic strip no. 26: Swift and Terrible Punishment!



A look into Duff’s past, and how he accidentally became such a fabulous dancer.

The tragic ‘bubbles’ incident came up in an earlier strip. And you can see absolutely every strip over here.

Clan Munro comic strip no. 23: The grand(?) finale



Looks like Duff’s new career has already fizzled. Oh, well. He’s used to it.
The two toque-wearing late arrivals with Uncle Angus are local fishermen Hans and Svend. We’ll be seeing them again.
Check out all the Clan Munro strips on this page.

Clan Munro comic strip no. 14: Sneeze your way to success



Poor old Robin accidentally wins.  But Duff should still watch his back.  It’s entirely possibly that Robin will try to retaliate.

All Clan Munro strips can be viewed here …

Clan Munro comic strip no. 13: Mature pranks



Welcome to the 127th annual Newkirk Bagpipe Championships.  It begins to look like Robin might have trouble winning this year …

All the Clan Munro strips are available for your viewing pleasure right here.

Clan Munro: McTavish Blog No. 3 — Duff and Matilda

I’m back, baby!  And this time I’m going to tell you about Robin’s brother and sister.

Duff is the ne’er do well middle sibling.  When his brain was being created his little grey cells got drunk and disorderly and spent the night in jail.  Well, it’s a theory anyway.  Here’s what he looks like to me, though this may make Duff appear smarter than he really is …

Blog 03 DuffDuff has gone through numerous jobs.  His first summer job was lifeguard in the kiddie’s wading pool.  On the first day he hit his head and sank face-down in the shallow end.  The kids pulled him out and a St. Bernard named George gave him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.  They still exchange Christmas cards.

After dropping out of high school, Duff wore a promotional chicken costume for Scratch & Peck Fried Chicken.  He was immediately attacked by hostile hens for impersonating a fowl. Earlier this year Duff was a furniture salesman for three months until he realized that he was working for a Maternity Shop. And so on, and on and on.  And on.

He’s apparently trying to be a detective now.  Good luck with that.  But … Duff must have SOME talent. Could his be deductive reasoning?  The jury is out.  Way out.

This mention of crime and corruption brings us nicely to Matilda.  She’s the eldest of the siblings and an overachieving multi-tasker.  Here is a flattering portrait I just spent many long seconds on:

Blog 03 MatildaMatilda is a professor of criminology at Newkirk College.  She just published her first so-called mystery novel, “Death Walks Into a Bar”.  Snort.  In my next blog I will review her credibility stretching debut.

Matilda bosses Robin around and tries to tolerates Duff’s flaws, as we all do. As for me, I loathe and despise her with every molecule of my body.

Why is Matilda my nemesis, you ask?  As a small kitten only two years old, growing towards the fine feline I am today, I had a trifling accident.  Matilda drove over to visit Robin and shamefully left the sunroof on her snazzy new car wide open.

So what would any curious kitten do?  I naturally examined the interior of the new car.  Radio, CD player, air conditioning and … a glove compartment.  Were there any tasty snacks inside?  I found tic-tacs, and some cash (which I borrowed).  And, in the very back I located a small packet of matches.

All I can say is that genuine leather interiors burn with surprising speed.  Along with everything else.  I escaped with only eyebrows singed and whiskers blackened. To this day Matilda  holds me responsible for her torched vehicle.

So not fair.  I blame everyone but me.  Obviously!

Clan Munro comic strip no. 8: That wretched cat!



McTavish and Matilda have never gotten along. Why? We’ll find out in McTavish’s next blog.

In the meantime, you can enjoy all the Clan Munro strips here.